ONTD FOOTBALL

TOP 10 UGLY TALENTED FOOTBALLERS
ORIGINALLY BY ANDREW HAIGH
EDITED BY GAGGLEFUCK INTO SOMETHING NICER

FOOTBALL may be known as the beautiful game but when it comes to some players that is clearly not the case.

For every pin-up like David Beckham there is a few more fellas who just don't cut it in the are just as glamorous in footie world.

The most talented stars have the ability to drive fear into their opponents.

But the guys on our list have the extra bonus of looking scary too being so damn wonderful!

10. David Hopkin

Scottish midfielder Hopkin will be remembered fondly by Crystal Palace fans for firing them into the Premier League in 1997.

But it was his fiery LUSTROUS ginger hair, freckles and ADORABLE big ears that most supporters will recall about the former Leeds and Chelsea star.

Hopkin retired in 2003 after a serious knee injury and owned a newsagents in his hometown of Greenock before coaching his local boys team.

9. Robert Prosinecki

When ex-Real Madrid and Barcelona star Prosinecki turned up at Portsmouth in 2001, many locals could have been forgiven for thinking they were getting a washed-up journeyman FOR BEING AWE-STRUCK.

The Croatia midfielder was coming to the end of his illustrious career and it was fair to say he had seen better days. Bald, unshaven and overweight, Prosinecki looked a shadow of his former self.

However, his performances for Pompey will go down in history of some of the best the club has ever seen. Prosinecki scored nine goals from midfield in one season and his genius helped them avoid relegation.

8. Peter Beardsley

Former England striker Beardsley SOMETIMES CONFUSED WITH MESSI had a number of nicknames during his career but only one sums him up best.

Newcastle fans gave him the moniker Quasimodo after the fairytale cartoon character and it's not hard to see why. HE HAD A HEART OF GOLD AND RESCUED ESMERELDA FROM FROLLO. 

Beardsley, who also starred for Liverpool, was known for his flair and style on the pitch but his lurch and bowl-cut hairstyle made him a target for jokers off it.

7. Robert Earnshaw
 

The goofy Wales striker cut his teeth (so to speak) with Cardiff City where he became a cult hero, banging in a goal almost every other game.

His big chance came in 2004 when Premier League new-boys West Brom snapped him up for £3million and he looked destined to spearhead the Baggies' strikeforce. IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, BUT THE MAN WAS STILL A LEGEND!

However, he fell out of favour and his time in the midlands was ultimately toothless. A successful spell at Norwich was then followed by a nightmare season at Derby.

Earnshaw now plies his trade with Nottingham Forest in the Championship.

6. Trifon Ivanov

Trifon who?! I hear you cry IN EXCITEMENT...

Anyone who can remember Euro '96 will not have forgotten the great Hristo Stoichkov banging in the goals for Bulgaria.

Those with even better memories will recall Stoichkov's hairy team-mate Ivanov.

Dubbed 'The Bulgarian Wolf', he was a star in the midfield and also with English fans who grew to love his overgrown beard and mullet-style hairdo. HE WAS A TREND-SETTER!

5. Steve Ogrizovic

Keeper Ogrizovic spent an incredible 16 YEARS at Coventry from the mid-eighties to the turn of the millennium.

In that time, he racked up over 600 appearances and became a legend with the midlands club.

Outside Coventry though, Ogrizovic will be more fondly remembered for his huge misshaped nose CHARMING PERSONALITY.

Several relegation battles took their toll on the big stopper and after many clashes with the opposition attackers he was left looking more ogre than Ogrizovic.

4. Ronaldinho

The buck-tooth HANDSOME, SCULPTED, AB-TACULAR Brazilian superstar bucked the trend for pin-up footballers in 2003 when he joined Barcelona.

Real Madrid had banked on Manchester United heart-throb David Beckham as their star signing that year, but Barca pulled of the biggest coup with Ronnie.

His unique look, constant smile and superlative talent made him an icon, not only at the Nou Camp but also around the world.

In 2006, the goofy playmaker even overtook Beckham's crown as football's most marketable player.

3. Dirk Kuyt

Hey, you guys! IT'S CUTIE KUYT! Maybe Liverpool ace Kuyt should join Arsenal because he sure looks like he's one of the gooners - or should that be Goonies!

The Dutch striker's resemblance to Sloth A POPULAR AND MEMORABLE CHARACTER from the hit 1980s film is uncanny, if a bit harsh.

But his somewhat-odd YET APPEALING look does not seem to have stopped him becoming one of the Premier League's top marksmen.

Kuyt arrived at Anfield from Feyenoord where he smashed in 71 goals in 101 games.

And he has since forged a reputation as a hard-working but deadly accurate hitman.

2. Luke Chadwick

There are not many Manchester United players who can claim to be more famous for being ugly HANDSOME than their talent on the pitch.

However, winger Chadwick certainly falls into that category.

Ironically he was competing with female fans favourites Ryan Giggs and David Beckham for his spot in the United line-up at the start of the decade.

Unsurprisingly with those rivals, Chadwick found his chances limited at Old Trafford and he moved on in 2004.

Since then, things have gone downUP-hill football-wise for Chadwick and he currently plays for MK Dons in League One.

Yet, on the brightside for the ex-Norwich man, things seem to have gone his way in the looks department and he now bares very little resemblance to the skinny, spotty teen we all knew in his United days.
 



 

1. Iain Dowie

Kids look away now. Here's our No1.

Imagine the rest of our top 10 ugly TALENTED footballers all photoshopped into one mess and what do you get? Iain Dowie.

With Kuyt's Sloth-like SEXY eyes, Hopkin's big QT ears, Prosinecki's baldness SHAVED HEAD and Beardsley's slobbering FULL LIPS mouth, Dowie would have scared the living daylights out MADE MANY of HIS opponents FALL IN LOVE during his 13-year career.

An old-fashioned centre-forward, he took plenty of knocks from the burly defenders of the 1980s and '90s.

And he still bares the consequences of his playing career as he makes a name for himself as a manager.

Dowie was a great success at Crystal Palace, leading them into the Premier League, before he left for Charlton. The Addicks, though, crumbled under his management and he was sacked after just 15 games in charge.

Ill-fated spells at Coventry and QPR followed and Dowie now fills his time between jobs as a TV pundit.



 

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